our war: now bigger and badder

I have heard complaints from many of you that the war in Iraq just wasn't very impressive. Not enough dead bodies, not enough murder and mayhem, not enough scandal. "I want to see more ass-kicking," is the most common criticism that most of us have heard of this war.

Well, fear not. More mayhem is on the way.

Last night our President laid out his plan for Extreme Tweaking of the Iraq strategy, with a great big 15% temporary bump in troop levels that is sure to win the day. Because being a loser isn't an option for Mr. Bush.

Look out, Baghdad! We will kick down more doors! We will smash more houses in! We will stalk more neighborhoods together with our allies in the Iraqi Police-by-day-Militia-by-night squads. Do those sound like the activities of "losers"? I should think not.

With all the ass-kicking that is about to ensue, how could the Iraquis not come to love us American winners? And with that love will naturally blossom peace, freedom, stability, the death of Osama and an end to the terrorist killers that want to murder us in our freedom-loving beds.

If we were to start bringing our troops back now, they would have to miss out on all the fun ass-kicking that they will get to do under this bold new Tweaking, and that would not be fair to the troops or to their families, who at this point are willing to give up another 6 months with their loved ones, or possibly risk death, because of the great first-hand stories they will get to hear about our awesome war later at their dinner tables. I really hope the Democrats don't try to deny them this family experience they so richly deserve.

Also, there will be some kind of diplomacy, or political finagling, or something in Iraq, because of course there will be. It will be really impressive, we just don't have the details yet... I'm sure those are being strategerized right now. But details, schmetails - let's kick some more ass!