unchristmasing

I'm not really up for Christmas this year.

This will be the first Christmas without my Dad. He was a big kid at heart, and he was the keeper of all our family holiday traditions, from the Chinese almond cookies to the Nat King Cole Christmas album. The thought of trying to celebrate this holiday without him makes me absolutely miserable.

My mom and sister are wisely just opting out. They're going to take a long weekend away, and then lay low on the holiday itself. We've decided on no gifts, except for the kiddos.

I wish I could do the same, but the other 3/4 of my household very much want to celebrate Christmas, and as one of them is 3-1/2 years old, it seems we don't have much choice in the matter.

So I have to grin and bear it, I guess. But with a newborn baby in the house, nobody seems to be expecting much of me, and so I think I will be able to live up to their expectations quite well.

My goal is: Spend no money. I can't go crazy on hand-made crafts without spending money. I can't put pressure on myself to decorate the house festively, or bake amazing things, without spending money. The truth is, I don't want to do these things. So for the folks I absolutely must exchange gifts with, they're getting something from the Use What You Have stash. The Ghost of Christmas Present predicts a lot of little felted items coming from me this year. And I'm halfway through a pair of EZ Mocassin Socks, so someone will get those. And I think that's going to be the extent of it. Thank goodness I still enjoy knitting, with or without a holiday attached to it.

falling in love with EZ

Isn't it wonderful to make a new friend?

The giddy early days of a new friendship are so much like a new love. The curiosity, the thrill at each new little discovery (she likes recycling, too!), the days on end spent in each other's company, missing them when they have other plans, wondering if you're becoming a bit of a stalker (but not really caring)...

Sometimes when I pine for dear old friends, I think fondly of the early days and sigh and wonder if I'll ever feel that way about someone again. But of course, you never know when love will strike.

The infatuation of new friendship seems to have struck me again, out of the blue. I was sitting at home, minding my own business, thumbing through the Knit Picks catalog and noticed that they had a huge sale on books (40% off through Feb 22). I had to order just a tiny bit of yarn for a project, and decided while I was at it to pick up a copy of The Opinionated Knitter, the collection of Elizabeth Zimmerman's newsletters from 1958-1968.

Thus, a beautiful new friendship was born. Well, okay maybe you can't call it a friendship since she passed in 1999 and all I get to do is read her books and knit her designs, but still, I really feel as if I've made a new friend. I love her voice, that sparkly, slightly prickly but loving personality that shines through on every page. I love her down-to-earth, empowering approach to knitting. I love that there are photos of her family and friends on nearly every page. I really do feel as if I'm getting to know this remarkable woman, to admire her and probably emulate her, just as I have done with a handful of very dear female friends over the years.

I can't believe I've knitted more than ten years now without her. This is a bit like when I read all those Willa Cather novels last summer, and realized that I had been thinking of myself as a reader of American literature, when without Willa I'd hardly known a thing about it. Without Elizabeth, I haven't been much of a knitter.

Despite the short stack of half-finished projects (all birthday presents!!) staring reproachfully at me from the knitting basket, I am really itching to knit some great big wooly Scandinavian Ski sweaters. And don't get me started on the Baby Surprise Jacket - it's time, it's time. I already know that reading EZ is going to change my approach to design and especially to pattern-writing, much for the better I hope.

Ah, new love! It's like a breath of spring on this chilly, clear winter morning.

Do I sound totally infatuated??

twilight

Twilight is so beautiful. The light and fading golden color make it my favorite time of day.



Last night I was trying to capture the way these flowers were glowing, reflecting the last of the waning light in our front yard as the day turned to evening.

This is also the twilight of my maternity leave - the last few days at home with Little Pea, with nothing to do but play and take care of her. As with the end of the day, this seems to be the sweetest time I have ever known. Everything seems golden, more beautiful and poignant than I have ever seen it.

Of course, nothing is changing. I will still be her mama, and we'll still take walks together and play with toys and nurse quietly (and sometimes noisily) in the rocking chair. I'll still squeeze in a row or two of knitting here and there whenever I can. But of course, I'll be shoe-horning all this wonder and beauty into the fragmented bits of time before and after work. And I have a feeling that these too-fast golden hours are going to fly by all the more quickly now.

This week Little Pea and I took our last trip together to the Wednesday afternoon farmer's market. We bought veggies and bread, and visited with our downtown friends and farmers. I found myself really strolling, walking slower than normal to just soak up as much of it as I could. I pushed the idea of time from my mind altogether and just enjoyed the moments as we had them. It felt so good to take things in more completely - the smiles of the people there, the thoughts and ideas shared in conversations with friends, the simple colors and shapes of the vegetables.

Being in the moment, letting go of a hurry to a goal or destination, is a lesson that the Little Pea teaches me over and over. I am so grateful for the chance to practice, every day, that this time at home with her has given me. I hope I can cultivate it in my hurry-hurry work life as well - even when I want to hurry home to her.

little pea

The little one has finally arrived! Today is her one-week birthday.

Forgive the brevity of this post; I am snatching a moment between feeding and napping to eat some lunch and say hello.

The baby, mom and dad are all healthy and doing great. It feels like the three of us are surrounded in a protective cocoon of love and support. As we get to know each other and learn to be a family, it seems we don't have to worry about a thing. Our dinners show up every evening just when it's time to eat; there are stacks and stacks of clean baby clothes and blankets and burp cloths thanks to hand-me-downs from friends; there are so many sweet voices and hearts wishing us well; and there are wise, wise grandmothers by our side helping us find our way into parenthood.

Little Pea is also a wise teacher. I wasn't expecting that. She is patient, loving, persistent, and gives the most incredible positive feedback, even when you're doing something only half-right. She is humbling, and to our dazzled eyes, exquisitely beautiful.

Thanks to all of you for your kind and supportive words, especially at the end of what was a rather long pregnancy! She is more than worth waiting for. Hopefully soon I'll be knitting for her (and others) again, and there will be plenty to say about that.

my goofy valentine

I must admit to liking Valentine's Day.

It's not the romance or the compulsory gift-buying - those are lame. I just like the love part. I really like sending goofy Valentines to my friends, my grandmother, co-workers... It's nice to have an excuse to say "I love you" (or at least "I like you a lot") to people who might appreciate hearing it.

As for the romance part... it's also nice to say "I love you" to the person/people who really need to hear it from you, but hopefully they're getting that in regular doses. For me, Valentine's Day is an annual excuse to be corny, and deep in my soul I am really a very corny person.

This year I made some valentines, and I also bought a box of those ridiculous children's valentines that I think are intended to be given out to classmates. That's what I like to give out at the office. It tickles me to no end to have my co-workers come in and find a puppy valentine on their desk that says something like "It would be RUFF if you weren't my Valentine!". Last year I gave them Hello Kitty valentines, and one office-mate still has hers tacked to the corkboard.

In other warm fuzzy news... I am drooling for the pretty new Blue Sky Alpacas colors over at kpixie. I could knit with Blue Sky Alpacas yarn all day long and never get bored of it. I want to knit myself a big red alpaca-silk valentine. In fact, I can hardly imagine a better way to spend this Saturday.

new life

2009 is going to bring some incredible changes to our world - to our big shared world, and to my little personal one as well.

We have a baby Pea on the way.

I can't tell you how much just knowing and feeling this fact has already changed my outlook on the world, myself, and even my knitting (not to mention my diet and sleeping habits). I think these are all things that I'll be sharing with you via the blog, so I wanted to share the big news, and give you a preview of things to come. There will be more knitting of course, and I imagine some exploration of how to be creative and sustainable in raising a little one.

Other things I probably won't be sharing as much about are the very personal things - about my family and the baby itself. Y'all probably already know that this isn't really a personal blog, and that is in part a reflection of my cautious approach to the internet. I feel it now more than ever - and I hope it doesn't disappoint anyone that there won't be any pictures of my uterus or lists of baby names (I know some of you are sighing with relief!).

But there are definitely lots more baby knits in store.

This fall was the first trimester, and I found it very difficult to knit. I could probably count the total stitches I knitted this fall without too much trouble. It seemed that along with all my physical energy, all my creative energy had been diverted to this one, all-consuming purpose. Now that I am comfortably situated in the second trimester, knitting has returned, though I found that I got rusty in my hiatus, and my fingers still seem frustratingly slow.

Nonetheless, I did get started on a teeny sweater made from sock yarn leftovers. I'm making this up as I go along, and I think it will be an easy pattern to share when it's finished, maybe with some matching booties.



So, it's off to the stack of books by my bed, which I seem to fall into by 9:30 every night with great regularity these days. We are counting down to May 31, when the little one is supposed to make an appearance. I have a feeling I need to cram as much knitting and sleeping in now as I can.

where we've come from

It is a beautiful coincidence that the inauguration of our nation's first black President happens to coincide with the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr's legacy in the United States. It seems that Americans are doing a great deal of looking back just now at the civil rights journey we have walked together as a nation, at who made this day in history possible.

Usually on the King holiday I post a speech or sermon by Dr. King. (If you are looking for some of his words today, visit the King Institute's web page, or check out one of his wonderful books from the library). Over the summer I read Strength to Love, as well as the Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr, and found them both incredibly inspiring.

Through that reading I learned a great deal about where Dr. King's roots lie, particularly his guiding principle of social change through non-violence. King was profoundly inspired by the philosophy and political organizing of Gandhi, who led a non-violent movement for independence in India that revolutionized King's thinking about how to achieve freedom in the United States.

So in the spirit of this looking back today, I thought I'd share a few words of the mahatma, Mohandas Gandhi.

"The fact that there are so many men still alive in the world shows that it is based not on the force of arms but on the force of truth or love. Therefore, the greatest and most unimpeachable evidence of the success of this force is to be found in the fact that, in spite of the wars of the world, it still lives on.

"Thousands, indeed tens of thousands, depend for their existence on a very active working of this force. Little quarrels of millions of families in their daily lives disappear before the exercise of this force. Hundreds of nations live in peace. History dies not and cannot take note of this fact. History is really a record of every interruption of the even working of the force of love or of the soul. Two brothers quarrel; one of them repents and re-awakens the love that was lying dormant in him; the two again begin to live in peace; nobody takes note of this. But if the two brothers, through the intervention of solicitors or some other reason take up arms or go to law – which is another form of the exhibition of brute force,their doings would be immediately noticed in the press, they would be the talk of their neighbours and would probably go down to history. And what is true of families and communities is true of nations. There is no reason to believe that there is one law for families and another for nations. History, then, is a record of an interruption of the course of nature. Soul-force, being natural, is not noted in history."

-Mohandas K. Gandhi, from Hind Swaraj (Indian Home Rule), 1919.

If you haven't seen the film Gandhi, it's a wonderful way to understand the universality of the human struggle for freedom, and the spectacular power of love and non-violence to bring about that freedom. And if (like me) you are a community organizer, you will probably be awe-struck at Gandhi's brilliant campaigns, just as you would be by the genius of King's organizing campaigns from the Montgomery Bus Boycott to the Voting Rights Act (just as you have been by Barack Obama's meteoric campaign to the White House).

We are at another crossroads on the long, hard road to human freedom. I believe that it's worth studying the philosophies and the methods of those who have led us here.

power and love

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hearing Rev. Nelson Johnson of the Beloved Community Center in Greensboro preach on love, power and identity. During his beautiful sermon, which I wish I could reprint for you here today, he referred several times to a potent theme from one of Dr. King's last speeches to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in 1967. I'll excerpt that here today instead.

"...Now another basic challenge is to discover how to organize our strength into economic and political power. Now no one can deny that the Negro is in dire need of this kind of legitimate power. Indeed, one of the great problems that the Negro confronts is his lack of power. From the old plantations of the South to the newer ghettos of the North, the Negro has been confined to a life of voicelessness and powerlessness. Stripped of the right to make decisions concerning his life and destiny he has been subject to the authoritarian and sometimes whimsical decisions of the white power structure. The plantation and the ghetto were created by those who had power, both to confine those who had no power and to perpetuate their powerlessness. Now the problem of transforming the ghetto, therefore, is a problem of power, a confrontation between the forces of power demanding change and the forces of power dedicated to the preserving of the status quo. Now, power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. It is the strength required to bring about social, political, and economic change. Walter Reuther defined power one day. He said, "Power is the ability of a labor union like UAW to make the most powerful corporation in the world, General Motors, say, 'Yes' when it wants to say 'No.' That's power."

"Now a lot of us are preachers, and all of us have our moral convictions and concerns, and so often we have problems with power. But there is nothing wrong with power if power is used correctly.

"You see, what happened is that some of our philosophers got off base. And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites, polar opposites, so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love. It was this misinterpretation that caused the philosopher Nietzsche, who was a philosopher of the will to power, to reject the Christian concept of love. It was this same misinterpretation which induced Christian theologians to reject Nietzsche's philosophy of the will to power in the name of the Christian idea of love.

"Now, we got to get this thing right. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best, power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love. And this is what we must see as we move on.

"Now what has happened is that we've had it wrong and mixed up in our country, and this has led Negro Americans in the past to seek their goals through love and moral suasion devoid of power, and white Americans to seek their goals through power devoid of love and conscience. It is leading a few extremists today to advocate for Negroes the same destructive and conscienceless power that they have justly abhorred in whites. It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitutes the major crisis of our times."

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Where Do We Go From Here?" Annual Report Delivered at the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. August 16, 1967. Atlanta, Georgia

goodbye, sweet friend

We lost a dear friend yesterday. About a week ago we found out that our sweet kitty Jackie had a big, mean tumor in her belly. Since then she has made a rapid decline, and yesterday we said goodbye to her and buried her in the garden. I can't remember when I've ever cried so much.

About five years ago we moved into a rental house downtown, and she came with the property. Jackie technically belonged to the landlady, but lived outside, and when the landlady moved out of the house, she couldn't catch Jackie. So she became our outside kitty. For about three years we fed her, and slowly she softened up enough to accept a scratch on the head with her dinner. Then one June, she disappeared.

After four months, we had given up hope. She had lived an adventurous life, but we figured some final adventure had taken her away. One night in October, I was fixing dinner and our other cat, Simon, was going nuts at the back door. There was Jackie, cold, hungry, emaciated, covered in parasites, and with a badly injured hind leg.

I've already written the story of how our wonderful neighbor, Dr. D, saved Jackie's life that night, and how she recovered the use of her nearly-severed leg. I haven't written as much about what a wonderful friend Jackie is to Simon, how he became a well-adjusted domestic pet after she came to live with us (after ten years of neurosis worthy of a Woody Allen kitty movie), or how Jackie and HWWLLB became best buddies in our new house. Her favorite thing was to sit with him in his big recliner, and she would always come running when she heard the recliner creak as he sat down.

The last week has been so hard, so sudden. One day she was our happy little housemate, and suddenly she was weak, skinny, starved for affection but unable to eat. Yesterday HWWLLB held her on his lap as she died. She is resting now in our garden, and we have planted a rosebush on her grave, with big juicy rosehips for the birds to enjoy in winter. I scattered sunflower seeds on her grave, and lots of squirrels and birds have been visiting her in her new resting place.

More than once we have joked that Jackie was the spunky, red-headed heroine of a romance novel. She was tough, smart and beautiful, and her life was a series of hair-raising adventures. Last night as I sat at the window looking out at her rosebush, I imagined her walking down the path to kitty heaven, or the kitty ancestral home, or wherever it is that good cats go when they die. Little birds were singing to her and keeping her company along the path. I imagined that somewhere in his mind, Simon might be singing a kitty song to help her find her way, that maybe all the cats in our neighborhood were singing that special song.

Goodbye, sweet friend.

you guessed it

We got hitched. Thanks for all the happy wishes!


morning clouds at Tokopeh Falls, Sequoia National Park

And congratulations to Sarah and to J, who will both be receiving some sock yarn - Sarah for being first (but cagey), and J for being explicit (and for guessing on her own what HWWLLB stands for - impressive!). Please email me your mailing addresses, Sarah and J! Yarn is coming your way... f.pea [at] airpost.net

We had a really small, quiet, wonderful ceremony with our parents and siblings, and a little potluck with a few friends at our house afterwards. It was one of those glorious October Saturdays when the sky is brilliant blue and the leaves are dazzling orange, and there is a light breeze, and everything you taste seems like the best you've ever had. It still feels like it all might have a been a very pleasant dream, except that there are all these reminders around - some big, like the rings on our fingers, and some small, like the dried flower petals I keep finding here and there.

We spent about a month planning the day, exactly what we'd say to each other, which poems to read and what kind of iced tea to make, and it was just great. We had a month to look forward to it, and no extra time to fuss about much (despite the temptation to fuss).

I've already posted To the Unseeable Animal, which was one of the poems that we chose, and which was beautifully read by my sister. There was also this poem, also by Wendell Berry, which bugheart read (and made me cry):

WHAT WE NEED IS HERE

Geese appear high over us,
pass, and the sky closes. Abandon,
as in love or sleep, holds
them to their way, clear
in the ancient faith: what we need
is here. And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye,
clear. What we need is here.

- Wendell Berry

obligatory romantic photo

home! and a big hint

It's good to be home. HWWLLB and I had a wonderful trip to the West Coast, where we did artsy-fun things in San Francisco and outdoorsy-fun things in Yosemite and Sequoia, as well as visiting with some wonderful friends that we don't see often enough. I will post some pictures and reflections about the trip over the next week or two. I can't say enough about how beautiful Yosemite is in the fall. It was my first time there, and I'm so glad that I got to see it for the first time in October.

I have always loved the fall, but October is by far my favorite month. I love the colors, the first crisp mornings of fall, the new crop of veggies in the garden, and of course Socktoberfest. But HWWLLB and I have a new reason to celebrate in October. This is your big hint about what happened this month, since none of you guessed the right answer to last week's post... if you can guess what happened on October 20th, you'll get this:


100 g of Lana Grossa Meilenweit Fantasy, one of my most favorite machine-washable, durable self-striping sock yarns, in great fall colors. Click here to see how it knits up.

And now the big hint: a big promise.

Everyone's guesses from last week were so great. It definitely had nothing to do with work or school, or with Halloween, though I love the image that IrishGirl conjured, of being so immersed in a Halloween costume that all else fell by the wayside. It wasn't knitting-related, though I would love to go to Rhinebeck next year! No unexpected visitors, or meetings with publishers (though that sounds really cool - thanks Danielle!), but I think my favorite guess was Stacie's: overindulgence in Oktoberfest due to Germanic ancestry. I think I may try that next year!

Good luck guessing...

spoiled rotten

Sorry it's been so quiet around these parts lately. I have an explanation, but it's long-winded and boring... but I have missed you. I have been peeking in on all your blogs and crafty projects and wishing I had more time - always wanting more time to make, and talk with everyone about making.

Part of what I was doing while I wasn't blogging was having my 32nd birthday. Wheee! I am 32, and I've had the same haircut, job, cat, and pair of black birkenstocks since I left grad school... that was about 6 years ago. I've been wearing the same pair of jeans and black Gap T-shirt since high school... let's not talk about how long ago that was.

I am a far more committed and radical left-winger since I was 18. I remember back then, older people telling me that I was young and idealistic, and that I'd get more conservative as I got older. What baloney. I get more informed, more crafty, and more political every year.

The best things that have happened to me in the last decade... meeting and falling in love with HWWLLB, who I still can't believe is willing to put up with me... leaving grad school for my current job... and learning to knit. I have Bugheart to thank for that last one. She forced me to learn to knit so that she'd have a stitch & bitch buddy. She is the most loyal (and long-suffering) friend that anyone could have. Last weekend she took the bus down from DC so that we could go hiking in the mountains. I'll spare you the gory stories of all the various delayed and grueling forms of transportation that she endured to get here and back, or at least save them for another day.

What I want to show you are the amazing prizes that she made me. She is the queen mama felter.


a zippered pouch for my knitting tools




nesting bowls

...and no prize from Bugheart comes without her adorable tags:


they kind of kill the suspense when you're opening the package, but they're worth it.

So you see why I might be feeling spoiled rotten. She also gave me some Tofutsies sock yarn, in the perfect color. (So perfect I had just bought it myself two weeks before - she is psychic. This way I can make knee-hi's). It was so great to see her, and so incredibly nice of her to come all the way down here for a weekend visit.

So in a tiny and vastly inadequate gesture of appreciation, I am hereby naming Bugheart a...

rockin' girl blogger

Thanks Macoco for tagging me! It's fun to rock.

Some other rocking girl bloggers that y'all should know, if you don't already:

Stacie at Mommy Mosh Pit, who is cooking super-local this summer.
Susanna at G.Love and Her Special Sauce, who also likes to go on long and grueling road trips.
Amisha, whose eyes I love to look through on Heavenly Days, and
Martha Snail at the Glass Doorknob, whose world is magical... and just down the road.

I wish big hugs, a visit from a dear friend, and hours of uninterrupted making for all of you!

(That means you, too)

monday lists

On Friday I was feeling mopey and wrote a long, whiney missive that I'm glad I didn't post. I think the shorter fall days are getting to me. I'm also crazy busy, fighting off a cold and traveling a lot, and these things are adding together with the less-sunlight to equal more frequent BAD MOODS.

I even considered faking sick so that I wouldn't have to get in the car for a long drive to the Nantahala National Forest for HWWLLB's Family Camping Trip this past weekend. Now I'm so glad I pulled myself together - it was a beautiful weekend. Beautiful weather, good company and time outside worked like a tonic on me, and I got some more perspective on the things I was mopey about.

Instead of whining, I'm writing some lists of the good, the bad, and the other. Making lists helps me look a bit more objectively at what's going on in my life and why I feel the way I do, and also, how to feel better. So here we go:

things i miss

• going out to see live music
• drinking tea/coffee in the afternoon with friends (and without having to make an appointment)
• thrift shopping with pals
• unplanned saturdays
• free time
  

people i miss

• essi
• bugheart
• BA henry
• miss daily
• bea
  
• beverly & alex
• grandparents
  

stuff i am really grateful for

• walking to work every day
• yoga
• dinners with my sister
• knitting and artsy-craftsy projects
• fall colors
• HWWLLB
• friends in blogland (and in reality)

a typical dinner with my sis

current projects

• our organization's 20th anniversary
• gentleman's shooting stockings for HWWLLB
• brushed suri & beads scarf for my mom
• some toe-up knee socks for essi
• starting a journal at work
  

recent yarn stash enhancement

• mountain colors sock yarn
• meilenweit sock yarn
• one skein of alpaca cloud to assist the suri scarf/bead interface

the recent sock yarn purchases, clashing happily

some things i have learned more about recently

• short rows
• global climate change
• probability
• the ethics of relationships
• mortgages
  

things my cat has wiped her butt on recently

• the bathroom floor
• my camping chair
• the loopy bath mat

fulfillment center

Don't you just love getting packages in the mail? I wonder, if one were to conduct a little study, what people would say is their reason for joining something like Secret Pal or a swap. I think I would have listed Reason #1 as getting packages in the mail. It almost doesn't matter what's in them.

Today I got not one, but TWO packages in the mail! Whoopeee! None were from Secret Pals though, since I'm not currently participating. At first I kind of hoped against hope that one of them might be my long-awaited Made Stuff Swap from Use What You Have Month #1, which was way back in May. Nope, still no swap. But I wasn't disappointed. How could you be disappointed by a package that comes from a place called a "Fulfillment Center"?

One package was yarn.



And the other was new shoes.



You know I was happy with that pairing. Best of all, after opening packages I got to eat a tasty dinner prepared by someone that was not me! And I didn't even have to use my credit card! HWWLLB has become an overnight sensation in the kitchen. He recently decided that he needed to be fixing dinner three nights a week, so now every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I come home to a tasty, extravagant dinner. We've had tomato & cheese tart, cajun shrimp, kale & corn salad, roasted red pepper soup, all kinds of amazing stuff. Tonight we had spanakopita, roasted pepper salad and greek green beans. Also an apple streusel. It was soooooo yummy.

I have to admit that when HWWLLB first came up with this scheme, maybe I was a little bit not as supportive as I could have been. He spent about two weeks (mostly during our vacation) buying, borrowing, and checking out cookbooks from the library. He pored over recipes and copied them into a special journal. He planned meals for every week til Christmas, and made special shopping lists for each week on colored index cards.

The thing is, this level of detailed planning is very much not in HWWLLB's nature. On the Myers-Briggs scale, he's an INTP. The "P" stands for "Plan something for me in advance and I will DIE ON THE SPOT." So you can imagine why I might have been a wee bit skeptical about this project, and maybe I even gave voice to that skepticism when I should have bitten my tongue.

But also, I really love to cook, and I think I actually felt a little threatened by this. I mean, if you want to take some chores off my plate, take cleaning! I F*ing hate to clean!

Folks, if there is a lesson that this experience has driven home, it's don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Also, shut up and enjoy your dinner. Because boy oh boy, have I been enjoying these dinners! Sometimes they aren't ready til after I'd normally go to bed, but all in all I rate them four stars. And you know, while HWWLLB is busy cooking up something scrumptious, tidying up a little doesn't seem so bad.

So that's the low-down from here at the Fulfillment Center. I hope you get an exciting package in the mail soon too!

home again

After several hours on the train, wondering just exactly how many pine trees there are in Virginia, here I am back in Raleigh. It was sad to leave bugheart this morning, in a flurry of craziness and complications as always, I hardly got to say thanks.

I love going to DC. Generally I need to go up once or twice a year for conferences and meetings and suchlike. This spring I went for a conference, and as always stayed at bugheart and grub's. Sadly grub wasn't there this time - grub escaped for a weekend in NYC with friends while bugheart and I visited with each other and with papa bugheart, as I'm sure you all read in yesterday's wonderful guest post, and in my ramblings yesterday on bugheart's blog.

The main thing I love about going there, even more than Teaism and museums and big city life, is the time with dear friends. Do you have someone that you never tire of being with? I feel so lucky to have a friend like Bugheart, even though we live kind of far apart now and I'm not very good about calling on the phone. Every time we get together it's like it's only been an afternoon since the last time we talked.

For those of you who don't know her, Bugheart is an amazing artist, photographer and craftista, which you have probably already deduced from her blog. She is also a really gifted scientist. As a liberal arts major myself, I really admire scientists, even though I don't always get along with them (my idea of hell is to spend an eternity in a locked room with an engineer). But biologists... oh baby. They are holistic thinkers. Big picture people with powers of concentration that allow them to focus on the tiniest of life cycles... biologists are hot stuff. Bugheart is an artist-biologist. She loves to find the itty-bitty details that make whole systems work. For her, I think, beauty is in the tiny mechanisms of living systems, like the cilia that let an insect skate along water on sheer surface tension.

Her photos and her artwork are full of little details, too. If you are ever lucky enough to get a package or a card in the mail from her, it will be full of tiny wonderful things that amaze you and make the whole package a delight (and if you know her for very long, you probably will get a package sooner or later). Bugheart is enormously generous, and she shows her love by showering people with gifts (though sometimes months or even years later than she intends to...). As proof, here are the parting gifts I left DC with this morning:


a vintage red top with embroidered leaves


a sleeveless linen blouse to wear with my fancy work clothes


an olive green top with embroidered flowers


my most recent monday give-away item: a sparkly green brooch


a vintage purse - the perfect size to cram a bunch of junk into


...and my new most prized possession, a bugheart original. the snail bag! be still my heart...

You can get some goodies too, since today is another exciting installment of the Great Monday Give-Away. What a haul! In exchange for the snail bag I owe bugheart my old Gocco printer, which I am swapping to her since I haven't used it in quite a while. I know she'll get good use out of it.

But of course, these are all material things. It's nice to have remembrances of the people you love, but time together is infinitely better. Thanks Bugheart for making so much time for me this weekend. I hope that all of you (those that slogged through all this sappiness and are still reading) get to spend some time with someone you love soon, too.

If this were a bedtime prayer I would close by saying "...and please bless HWWLLB, and Sis, and Grub, and Bugheart. I'm thankful for tea and for good friends." Good night!

no more bourbon

this is bugheart
making a special appearance
here on ms. pea's blog...



i am holding ms. pea
captive in my apartment
the nation's capitol.
i am forcing her listen
to my father's lectures
on physics
and
the benefits of lactase...
all the while
plying her with bourbon.
for the
aforementioned reasons
so she is unable
to update her blog.

in my family
we have a name
for the person
that rescues you
when you
are buttonholed
by a person,
namely my father...
we call them
the sapper.
this term references
the british term
for one
who clears minefields.

ms. pea
has been
my guest sapper.
thank you
dear ms.pea!

sapping
cannot just
be left to anyone...
it takes
a very special friend
who is willing
to go in and rescue you.

do you find
it difficult
to introduce
your friends
to your parents...
especially when
you are much older?

i feel like those dreams
that you have
when you are a kid...
you know,
those ones
in which you
find yourself naked
in front
of the entire
6th grade class.
that's how i feel
when people meet
my parents.
it's like they have
a window
into me as
a little vulnerable kid.
they hear storeis
about how i would follow
my dad around the house
as a little girl
and tell him what to do
or
that i use to faint
all the time
during choir practice.
those weird stories
you usually don't tell people.
not because you
are particularly
embarassed by them...
but somehow when
your parent is
laughing over it
with your friend
it takes on
an embarassing quality
it never had before.
why does that happen?
is it because
you have some
cool cover
that is getting blown?
seems like
that's not how
you should feel
at 31 years old.
i am so glad
the person
to hear those stories
was f.pea...
i don't mind
her hearing these
embarassing stories
because i know
she will still love me
in the morning.

some of you know
f.pea well...
some of you know
her only through
her lovely blog...
but she really
is an amazing women
and my dearest
and closest of friends
here on the east coast.
she knits a mean
pair of socks

and booty shakes
and sings in
jack white's
fake-o
tennessee accent
like no other...
to name only
a few reasons
why
we are having
a rocking time
here in dc.


xo
and
good night ya'll...
your f.pea
is headed back to nc
tomorrow
and i have
dishes to clean.

pintastic

I like making up stupid words, but it drives HWWLLB nuts sometimes. Especially when I say that (for example, with reference to cats) something is "cat-tastic," "cat-tabulous," or "cat-alicious." So in honor of the fact that HWWLLB is probably not listening, I pronounce this week to be pin-tastic.

Y'all saw all the pins I made over the weekend for Mother's Day (and future feminine events which may require gifts). Monday, this gorgeous Flower Girl pin came in the mail - I ordered it from Camille Marie. Click on the picture to see it in more detail - her fine crochet work is amazing! I can't believe she only charges $6 for these things - this pin is sooooo nice and the picture doesn't do it justice. She even sent me a little bonus pin - I think it's made from a bit of vintage scarf.

I also ordered a star pin made from broken mirror pieces from Anezka handmade, but it hasn't arrived yet. I am going to be so accessorized this season. Maybe even a little over-accessorized.

The sad part of today was saying goodbye to Bilious, my first sock monster. He graciously stepped in when Fluffy got cold feet and decided she wasn't ready to be swapped (I had intended to send her to my swapping pal in the Use What You Have made-stuff swap). Here's Bilious bravely being packed up for his long trip overseas:



Lucky he's got a permanent stiff upper lip.

fever for the flavor

The man I live with, the Mr. HWWLLB, he is an amazing guy. Some of you know him. Sometimes I think he's a genius. His vocabulary could fill the state of Michigan. He is overflowing with compassion and always has the time to help out a friend.

He also loves to cook. It's all about the flavors. The man can use more spice jars in one dish than most people keep in their kitchens. The thing is, he has, er, interesting tastes.

Tonight he baked a birthday cake for a co-worker, whom he loves dearly. He asked me, what do you think: chocolate fudge cake with blueberry and orange, or with sour cherry syrup? I asked, what kind of cake does your co-worker like? Hm... a wrench in the works. I'm always begging him to just make a plain chocolate something. Without the fancy syrups and powders. I think he must find my tastes rather pedestrian.

Sadly, the blueberry-and-orange-chocolate fudge cake was not a success. I couldn't even swallow my sample - it tasted like medicine. Ick! I need to have a beer now to wash away the taste.

Now he is reluctantly baking a boring old red velvet cake to replace the failed one. It really was, unfortunately, inedible. But I'm sure that his co-worker will appreciate the boring new cake - after all, it's the thought that counts, right?

in the land of the obvious, where everything is hidden

Welcome to my living room. HWWLLB is blithely tapping away on his laptop, reading about such ingenious concepts as "In-Vitro Meat" and "Touch Screens that Touch Back" in the New York Times Magazine's Year in Ideas, while one of his Xmas presents whirls through the washer, happily rubbing itself up against dish towels as it shrinks down, down, down into a little felted blob.

I knitted it up last night, from yarn he picked out himself, for a project he specifically requested, while sitting about 5 inches from him, watching old episodes of Red Dwarf on DVD. Did he notice? Did he ask what I was knitting with that nice indigo Cascade 220 he picked? Nooooo. Though when I got out the yarn winder, he did actually ask what I was making. I told him I felt like winding yarn. It wasn't a lie.

It's nice, really, living with someone who enjoys the things I knit for him, and who is conveniently and totally oblivious to whatever it is I happen to be knitting. Last year I made him a lovely sweater vest, knit from some deep blue Arucanica Nature Wool that he picked out himself at the great little yarn shop in Black Mountain. I had actually started it a year before, and had to frog it twice when the sizing wasn't working out. I got pretty dang frustrated and put it away for a long, long time. For months, every time he saw me knitting, HWWLLB would moan, "when are you going to work on my sweater vest?"

So after a year or so, I did start working on his sweater vest. At first I did it covertly, only working on it at Stitch & Bitch, or other locations where I knew he'd never see it, furtively keeping my knitting bag covered up at home so that he wouldn't see the perfect rows of Shaker rib peeking out. But as Xmas approached, I was running out of time. I needed to use my late nights and Sunday mornings at home for this vest, or it wasn't going to get done. So I started working on it when he was there - but only when he seemed safely preoccupied with other things. Lucky for me, he's usually pretty preoccupied with one thing or another (like In-Vitro Meat).

One day he busted in on me right in the middle of his vest. I tried to look nonchalant. I kept on knitting. He didn't seem to notice the cold sweat breaking out on my forehead. "Sweetheart," he moaned, looking down at my lapful of wool "aren't you ever going to make that vest for me?"

"I'm sorry but I really need to finish up knitting for Xmas," I said coolly (notice no lying!) and just kept on knitting. He sighed and wandered away, muttering something about the price of good yarn. Ha! Fooled! Tricked! He didn't even recognize his own yarn!

It was then I realized what a gem of an opportunity this was. I began knitting the vest openly, on the couch, in the car, right in front of him. Not a blink. On Xmas morning when he opened the vest, he was overjoyed. He didn't know until months later when I told him that was what I had been working on feverishly in front of him right up til Xmas.

So it's been great making this little felted project for him right under his nose. The thing is... he keeps asking for a new vest. He wants a grey one this time, just like the last one, and I keep telling him that I don't have time right now but maybe in the spring - which is exactly what I was telling him right around this time last year. I'm just a little worried that he might be thinking that this, too, is a big fake-out and that a beautiful grey miracle vest is coming along swimmingly in my spare moments. I hope he's not too disappointed when all he gets is this felted thing. Um, I made it myself...