exciting discoveries

It has been an historic week. Archaeologists in Guatemala have uncovered the final section of a Mayan mural that dates to 100 BC. The mural describes the Mayan creation story and the divine right of kings. And a new study by a pair of American archaeologists reveals that two distinct groups of humans first settled the Americas more than 10,000 years ago, including Mongol peoples, as is commonly known, as well as people bearing strong genetic resemblance to Australian and sub-Saharan African peoples.

Add to these markers of human development two new milestones: I have made some discoveries of my own in the last week or so.

Discovery #1: Knitting in bed. I discovered this rare pleasure while enjoying another secret indulgence that many of you probably have been doing for ages: watching movies in bed. Ever since HWWLLB got a new laptop with a DVD-player in it and we joined the beloved Netflix, our lives have been transformed. We watch movies together! This never used to happen, because we'd go to the video store and endlessly hand each other suggested movies that the other person wouldn't watch for $100, let alone pay $3.99 to rent. Not anymore! Now we just punch in our choices and let the postal service handle the rest. And we get to watch them in bed, where it's warm and we can snuggle and the cat is happy and quiet! Don't like the movie? Eh, just roll over and go to sleep. There's another one in the mail.

So one night I just wasn't that into the movie, and naturally, I picked up my knitting, and SHAZAM! A new passion struck. Knitting in my PJs, propped up with a big pillow, in my own warm and comfy bed. Oh, bliss! Oh, heaven! I'm not going to mention how much this has cut into my reading-in-bed time... did I mention the yarn? Warm fuzzy yarn in bed? Is this getting too Freudian? Okay, moving on to...

Discovery #2! Shower spray! I swear Target didn't pay me to write this, though maybe they should, but I was over there last week perusing the aisles on behalf of a cute shivering kid in Sampson county, and discovered this wonder product. Okay, it's scented with ylang-ylang, which has never been my favorite smell, but do you know what this stuff does??? Apparently it cleans your shower for you while you sleep!

If you have ever been to my house, you surely have noticed that I hate cleaning the bathroom. HATE! And as for HWWLLB, well, he's just philosophically opposed to wasting his time with a scrub-brush (and who can blame him?). So my bathroom is pretty scuzzy, but no part so scuzzy as the shower, which has mold in it that grew during the Clinton administration (sigh!). Anyhow, what you do with this stuff is you finish your shower, scrape off the water droplets with a squeegee (probably optional but I'm not taking chances here) and then you mist on the ylang-ylang, all over the shower walls. And you don't ever have to clean the shower again, because there are little tiny nano-elves in the ylang-ylang who will clean it for you! Holy crap! Where has this product been all my life???

The bottle says that if your shower is dirty (hoo, boy!), it may take 3 or 4 weeks to see results. Well, I'll tell you, it's taken months and months to see the results of our neglect, so I think I can handle the wait. I was thinking of taking a "before" picture, you know, so that in 4 weeks I can pair it next to a gleaming shower in the "after" picture, but I was just too ashamed. My mom could be reading this. I can't wait to see what happens... this might be even better than the magic eraser.

Okay, there are some readers out there who, like me, are extremely suspicious of all wonder-products and the better-living-through-cancer that they peddle. One of the reasons I hate hate HATE cleaning is that I hate the burning throat, itchy skin and tight wheezy chest that most cleaners induce in me. So I dutifully mix up my own cleansers with baking soda, vinegar and soap but I'm not just anti-chemicals, I'm also damned lazy, at least about cleaning. But here's the beauty part about the magic-nano-ylang-ylang-showerspray: it's non-toxic! Well, at least on the label it claims to be. Who can know for sure, since they don't list out the ingredients really, they just hint at them? But so far, no itchy wheezy burny, just the annoying scent of ylang-ylang, and maybe ylang-ylang is becoming my new favorite scent. It's certainly my new favorite word.

Someone who doesn't work for Target please write in and tell me that the showerspray and the magic eraser are totally non-toxic and guaranteed not to cause birth defects and brain cancer, thank you.